BUILDING STRONG FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Society’s foundation is strong families. It is from the family that we define our CORE values and learn to socialize with others. One way to strengthen relationships is to sharpen our listening skills. Our ability to actively listen and observe the speaker has many implications and sends a direct message to the speaker.
1. We value what the speaker is saying.
2. We respect the speaker's thoughts and will wait for our turn to speak.
3. We listen to the words and tone while observing body language for a better understanding. We cannot build relationships when the other member does not feel heard or respected.
Strengthening relationships requires effort
Give the person your full attention. If the TV, game, book, or something else is a distraction. It may require that you turn off the TV or put down the distraction temporarily.
Focus on the person. Be present and listen to what they are trying to communicate. Have an open mind and try not to get ahead of the conversation. For example, you and I may think we know where the conversation is heading and may jump ahead and plan our response. Occasionally, interrupting before they even finish.
Be observant. Excellent listening skills will have you not only listen for what is being said but also have you attuned to how the other person is feeling. It is good to relay back what you think they were saying and how they are feeling for clarity. It is good practice to repeat the word usage that they used. Then, you can say something like, "It sounds like that makes you feel..." This method will help ensure that you have a sound understanding before you offer suggestions. And also, know that there will be occasions when they do not want you to provide advice or give an opinion, just listen.
While discussing points of contention, use caution and use "I" messages rather than "You" messages. “You” words can cause the other party to become defensive, and your valid point may be missed because they have shut down;
Look at the difference between the two message samples:
"You” know you should have been here at 7 pm. “You” might cause us to miss the opening." This response would definitely express your feelings but may spark an argument or hard feelings. They may even decide not to go at all.
"I” was worried when you did not show up at 7 pm. “I” was hoping we would leave early enough for the opening." This response discourages anger and bad feelings and may allow you to salvage the evening,
Create a safe, non-judgmental environment and encourage them to speak honestly about their thoughts and feelings. Perhaps, you can create family rituals (family meetings) that offer a set time for members to share doubts, worries, and dreams. Consider planning dinners together, game nights, attend events together, or schedule a family walk at the park. Whatever your family enjoys, make it a priority. It is important that the family ritual becomes a looked forward to activity. One that is not easily changed for other things. This shows that it is of importance.
Family rituals become the traditions that further defines the family. These rituals affords opportunities to reconnect, and for members to strengthen their relationship with each other. It also reassures them that although they may have to spend time apart. They can look forward to the next family gathering. Whether you make a specific day of the week, a weekend, or a monthly tradition, plan it and stick to the plan. Everyone can look forward to that special time. In today's world people really know they are special when you willingly put the cell phone away to spend time with them. They feel honored when you are undistracted and present. They notice. So, don’t just put it, try shutting it off. It may take some time to adjust but it will be well worth it.
Involve your child in planning family activities. Let them help decide how to spend this time. They may want to do puzzles, paint, sing songs, go for a walk, play a game, read a book...the list goes on. Make this enjoyable and memorable for them. Be creative and look for opportunities to connect. If your schedule is hectic during the day, look for small blocks of time to spend with your child. Research says that 1-2 minutes being involved in your children's preferred activity makes a big difference. Learn to incorporate stories together. Whenever possible, include them in conversations, be curious. Ask them questions, ask their opinions, find ways to engage throughout the week. Teach them to acknowledge their feelings and how to articulate them honestly. Be present. A strong relationship are based on open and honest communication.